Learning how to 'help' foster kids over time

One of the most surprising things when I started working with kids coming out of foster care at the college was that they usually had some kind of connection with their bio families … even though they had been taken away from their families to be ‘in the system.’ It is a messy, messy world. People like me want to ‘save’ them from the harsh realities of trying to build relationships with the very people who may have hurt them – especially people that live in a world that often holds the young people back from capitalizing on all “we” are trying to teach them. “We” in this case are the counselors, psychologists, program workers, social workers, and foundations. You get the picture.

Now, jump to Namibia, Africa. I can’t speak for any other African countries nor can I can’t for Namibia, but I am learning. It is a country about the size of Arizona. It is pretty stable and clean. It has great infrastructure because it was under colonial rule for a long time and, after the apartheid system was defeated and Namibia won the liberation struggle, the people here were able to continue with much of the good developments that were in place.

The HIV/AIDS pandemic has hit this continent so hard. There are orphans and vulnerable children everywhere, so it seems. The needs are so great. So…children’s homes were built and designed and regulated and filled with kids. Many caring people got involved. Many mistakes were made. Many volunteers have come and gone. 

Essentially, this is a very messy, labor intensive, and serious business. The reality is that kids are just lost when they grow up if they do not have good connections with their roots. At first, this made me cringe, even panic, when I thought about the kids in the Ark who have grown up here…having to try to become part of a family they don’t know. I envisioned the worst, just as I did with the foster youth back home. 

I have come to understand that it is silly and short sighted to try to collect the kids into something of a protective cocoon, just to have them wake up ill equipped adults for their world.

Yesterday 3 of Christ’s Hope’s full-timers (the 'pros' as I call them) went to visit 3 of the kids from the Ark that are staying with extended family for the 1 month school holiday about 3 hours away from here. Two are sisters and another is with his extended family. The 3 of them came back here with such lighthearted looks on their faces. The visits went very well. The girls had some make up on and were all dolled up to go to a cousin’s birthday party. They were happy. The young man in 10^th grade was with family and doing very well too; he was welcomed and has an aunt and uncle with a stable marriage and family. 

And so it is. Life is messy. Family is deep and that is good and sometimes bad; but, the bad is just part of it and we can not throw ‘the baby out with the bathwater’ even if that is simpler, cleaner, and more comfortable for those of us trying to help in these incredibly difficult situations.