Two Families.

So many of us get involved because we are concerned about orphans and those children in the world that don’t have the benefit of an intact family.

Today I am in pain because I now have two families. I have one in the U.S. that I cherish and that gives me a sense of great security. They make me feel like I can do anything.

Today, little Todop slipped his hand into mine in such a way that my heart just broke. I see the way the kids are blossoming with Andy’s attention. I fall in love with him over and over again, like I did when I watched him with our boys growing up. Leaving feels impossible. 

I know these aren’t our kids. It is much more complex here than I understood before I came. They all have some extended family except for one little spitfire who has been all but adopted by one of the aunties. For years, some of the kids who have grown up in the Ark never went anywhere to see family but family has been tracked down and now they go to visit a grandparent or a cousin of a parent or a distant relative. Sometimes the relative can take the child but, for those that are left, that doesn’t seem to be in the cards. The kids want to go but are torn; I’m sure it isn’t all roses and candy where they go, but it is family.

I asked smart and talented Arnold yesterday if he likes going to see his sisters and cousins where they live. He said yes but he likes it here better. Then, he shut down and ended up curled up in a ball on the floor of the combi (van). We got him to come in for ice cream but he didn’t eat it. I’ve seen this reaction from a few of the kids. They shut down like I’ve never seen a human being do before. They always work their way back eventually, back but I wonder about all the pain they deal with. It isn’t really easy to get deeper which is another complex issue since so many volunteers have come and go.

In the next 3 days we will say goodbye to the kids. This time, they are leaving the volunteers; usually it is the volunteers leaving them. I think this is a blessing. Andy is making homemade cookies for goodie bags to go. I am planning some surprises for them when they get back.

Today I made a special lunch (Ter Ter’s famous Tuna Casserole with potato chips on top.) Before we ate family style, I asked the kids to write good things about each other on little posters for each of the kids, house parents, aunties, and volunteers. I also spoke to them about how they are each other’s family and we feel like we have a family in Africa now. Like family does, we will be praying faithfully for them and be working for their futures and I hope they can support and ‘give courage’ or ‘encourage’ each other.

I have been describing my angst at having two distinct families I love but can't be there for both at once. Consider the longterm missionaries.

They leave their families. I knew that before now but the depth of that sacrifice is more real to me. They miss out on milestones that give meaning to life and comfortable times just being with the people they know best. Rita’s daughter is having a tough time with chemo and Rita and Christiaan are going home to Belgium Monday for 6 weeks. Rita told me she is scared about leaving because she will need to be prepared to leave her daughter again; she has a family who needs her here too. It is a very unnatural conflict to have. We are born into a 'tribe' and want to stay there. This is something humans do in response to love and it is counterintuitive. 

I am so humbled by the sacrifices some people make. Missionaries of the past actually packed their coffins on the ships with them, knowing they would never see their families again. I have facebook, email, facetime, skype, phone calls, the ability to fly back and forth … and I am dying inside. Wow. 

Arnold and Todop

Flicking contests with Uncle Andy.

Hugable Belvin!