It’s easy to misinterpret.

She doesn’t smile when I walk in. Does that mean I have done something wrong?

I almost thought she didn’t speak English because she never talks to me but she rattles on in Afrikaans to others when I am around. Does she really understand and speak my same language? Does this mean she doesn’t like me?

His eyes don’t light up when he smiles at me any more.

They laughed hysterically when the white man crashed his car. Are they mocking us as visitors / white people / Christians?

After the party the teen boys hung out and watched us work without a bit of help. Should we really be trying so hard to help them with their lives?

They don’t gush over things with ‘thank yous’ and hugs and kisses.

Those in the room can speak English but they are only speaking Afrikaans all the time. Don’t they care about me?

It is so easy to get insecure and even mad.

It is hard enough in your own culture. We all read things into each other’s actions that, without checking it out, can be totally wrong!

I find it tiring to try communicating with anyone who I feel doesn’t see things the same way I do. I know people in my own culture who speak my language but who I feel unsafe with when I talk, or I feel like the conversations are futile. I have the feeling that they are misinterpreting me all the time, not really listening, or collecting knowledge to use against me somehow. Usually I choose to just be my chatty self and not worry about it. Here, I can’t chatter, really, and it has been great. I have listened to my husband more (the man has a lot more going on upstairs than I usually give him credit). I have listened to others more. I feel kind of dumb for the way I usually think I can sum things up better than others so I butt in. I wonder how much depth in people I have missed by the way I communicate.

So. I remember cultural anthropology. I remember all those cross-cultural courses I took, all the “working with minorities” conferences. I remember Joachim and his plea with us to “Pearl Dive” in the cultures. Listen with your 2 ears. Speak with your 1 mouth with care. Try to learn some of their language.

Joachim, a cross cultural trainer for missionaries and governments, told us the story from Thailand of a man who got into a bloody accident and the people came up pointing and laughing. He was understandably put off. What would you think?             I know myself well enough; Iwould instantly feel stupid and that they must think that my my just being in the country is a big joke. That is not what it was at all.

In Thailand, they have many many different kinds of smiles. Some may even be used to correct you or to call you on the carpet for something; but for a culture that values saving face very highly, a specific smile can get something across without humiliating the person.

When the man crashed, the laughing and smiling response he got from the locals was meant to get his mind off his pain. It was meant to help him, not hurt him.

There are so many things like that to keep in mind, especially when we travel. We all know the stories of the Ugly American around the world. When you are trying to represent Jesus Christ, the stakes are eternal.

I am only aware enough of the differences to make me feel like I have to hold myself back all the time. I don’t think that is really the answer.

I think the answer is actually to be myself but to encourage others be themselves too. (That ‘encourage’ word again, to give courage…)

The woman (Frieda) we met after church yesterday shared that when she went to Europe for United Nations Peacekeeper training, she was told she needed to learn how to greet people properly. She is so joyful about it but she was honest about the fact that no one was interested in how the African delegates would normally greet people. It was all one-way. Sometimes I feel we go overboard in the other direction. In the US we are often bending over backwards to accommodate others, which is not wrong. But we also need to be OK being ourselves too.

This is such a challenge.

Oh Lord, please open my eyes to the times I can be myself and also honor others’ ways! Let me ask questions without people feeling put on the spot or interrogated. Let them feel valued for who they are as individuals made in your image. Please guard my mind from going in the negative direction and let me pray, wait, and learn. I need your help, Lord and I thank you for it. In Jesus’ Name. Amen

Can't imagine the heat and the cold.

Bars are all around.

The kids recognize the comvee (van). Jaco and Geovanni live here.

Many homes have backyard shanties they rent out.

Probably advertised as a nice place to stay. Right across the street from poverty.