We are all fallible adults...in Bible-ease we call it, we are all sinners. I know, that makes many of us shutter because of the kind of people we have known that say things like that. When I hear that I think of condemnation, judgement, and people who have yelled at others to repent, just before we saw that they were stealing from their supporters or cheating on their wives.
It is hard work to unlearn things and try to be open minded and diligent enough to tease out the lies from the truth. Diligent is not one of my character traits but...I'll keep trying.
A huge theme of my time here with CHI has been thinking about personal responsibility and how much do we hold others responsible for their actions. In the US, I think we have come to see many different sides of every prism through television and a society that believes that everyone's perspective is important. I love the insights that we can gain by TV and I love that I live in a country that values individual opinion and perspective.
I find it difficult to be firm on many things, really. I majored in political science the 1st 3 years of college. Don't ask me to argue for a particular political system, however, because I will be my own worst enemy in the debate with lots of "on the other hand" statements. On the other hand, I believe people deserve to make their own decisions, just as God himself trusted us with free will, so I don't believe dictatorships are to be defended.
So, it comes down to this. If a person makes decisions for themselves that lead to damage in their own life, how responsible are they? I often wonder if people are capable of making smart decisions because of their life circumstances, upbringing, the economy, so many possible reasons. I used to think this way about men, actually. I thought they were weak and couldn't be held accountable for their choices. This protected me from hating men who had hurt me and the ones I love, and allowed me to accept men around me who didn't seem all that capable and successfully navigating the world as I see it.
God has opened my eyes to how destructive this thinking is. I remember when Andy and I were in marriage counseling and this hit me so hard. I realized I didn't expect much from Andy and felt I had to make all the decisions. I felt as if I had to make things happen in our life together or nothing would happen. I felt abandoned, alone, and mad at him. He felt attached, rejected, and disrespected. When I realized I didn't hold him accountable for his own feelings and ultimately didn't trust him I cried and cried and healed and healed. So what really happened?
I had brought my experiences with men, father figures specifically, into the present. My lack of belief that men could be honorable, smart, insightful, and trustworthy was destroying my ability to support Andy in his development. That takes trust.
Years ago, a young teacher I worked with told me that reading the Bible helped her make the right decisions for her life. She brought a Bible when we took our 6th grade students to Outdoor Science School for a week. She would retreat to her room to read her Bible. I had read it as part of a college literature class so, of course I knew all about it. But I didn't really see how it helped her. My culture, after all, had internalized concepts like "The Golden Rule" and "It is more blessed to give than to receive." Knowing the 'stories' of the Bible was an intellectual exercise, which I had done so I could move on. This sounds like other people I know who think they have somehow evolved past the Bible and it's teachings to 'new' and 'more enlightened' thinking.
Years later a friend invited me to a non-denominational Bible study whereby you read and study, discuss what you are discovering from the study, and hear a 1 hour lecture about the context of the time, background, different perspectives... I was a several weeks into the 9 month study of the Book of Acts when a tear ran down my cheek and I realized that God was telling the truth when He says, "Draw near to me and I will draw near to you." Something was changing in me that I could not explain. That year and the next year studying Genesis (yes, Genesis -- a person with a Masters of Science was studying Genesis) that my life take a complete 180 degree turn.
This was the most painful but healing 2 years of my life. The Bible study leader called one day for some other reason. I told her I had a huge problem and should not be in leadership AT ALL! I told her that, as I read Genesis and all the stories of Adam and Eve and the Tower of Babel and everything else, my mind just cried out, oh Bull Shit! She didn't get upset like people who worry if their own beliefs are unsupportable. She didn't tell me I had to just believe. She asked me a question that set me back on my heels, "Have you told Him about it?" That little question changed the way I thought about God and made me start talking with God. Then, He showed me a glimpse of what was going on. He was fighting for me.
I mean really fighting. This is going to get a little weird for those who don't believe yet, but .... God's angels were fighting for me against those who were wanting my destruction. I felt like a piece of butchered meat, bloodied and helpless, just hanging upside down from the meat hook. There was nothing I could do. I couldn't earn the privilege or importance that warranted an epic battle. I was worth it, period. I had value, I have a maker, I have a father that can, and will, fight for me. I had never had a father who would do that before. It took months for me to feel like the battle had been won and I could be placed on my feet again. Then, I came to know and rest in the fact that I am a beloved daughter of the King. I belong to the Living God. I can know him so personally that I can sort out the lies from the truth because he speaks directly to me through His Word and His Spirit.
Now, the hardest part is to be an ambassador for Him when so many people really don't want to meet him. To represent him accurately in a world that has believed 1/2 truths and is filled with people wanting to tell Him who he is instead of getting to know and rely on who He really is.
Which brings me back to the beginning of my thoughts. What does our maker believe about us? Does He believe, like I did, that we really aren't able to make the best decisions so we should be babied and coddled and taken care of like children all of our lives? (Because that is what loving people do ... we take care of each other!) Should we make excuses for everyone's mistakes and irresponsible decisions and try to rectify all consequences because we feel sorry for people who make dumb decisions based on short term benefits, rather than sacrificially working for the less exciting long term good?
Or, does God's Word, the Creator's Manual, say something different.
It does. And, the living out of this fact CAN NOT be summed up in a few sentences.
A few things I am learning, though, are these:
- We are responsible to do what is right
- There is a difference between right (that which brings maximum long term benefit or blessing) and wrong (that which brings damage and injury) - outlined in the manual
- That is is more loving to consider a person worthy of the respect of having made their own decisions and mistakes, than it is to somehow think that they are (or were) incapable and need you, the more powerful one, to bail them out
- We are called to, and made capable to love, forgive, support people (and hope they will do the same for us), but we absolutely do not take on the consequences of their actions in the guise of love
- God loves us. Period. When we succeed or when we fail. He can be trusted completely. He is real and we don't get to tell him who He is or what we want him to do. He wants a relationship with us. We are invited to pray and approach the Father boldly, by the leading of the Holy Spirit, because Jesus made us worthy to talk with the Father.
- We have value, each on of us, because we were made in his image. The baby in the slum has the save value as anyone else. Period.
- That I will not, and do not, understand things like poverty and mental illness and cruelty, but my job is to bring the practical and real love of Christ Jesus, not to understand it all
I wish I had known how valuable I was to God when I was younger so I would have cherished myself, my mind, my body, and my future husband more and avoided living what our culture believes is normal but is actually so sad
I am soooo grateful that God is so merciful that He takes our little attempts to follow Him and live His way and multiplies them to make something beautiful.
And ... I'm pooped. There are so many more things... Nappy time!
No comments:
Post a Comment