This is not charity. These are God's great kids!

“God is good, All the time!” That is sort of the motto of Logos Church where we attended services today. Andy met Pastor Zizito 9 years ago as have each of our sons. This active and well-known man is from Angola. He was forced into war at 9 years old … gun and all. God saved him from that life and now he is dedicated to the Lord. What a deep down, authentic joy this man has. My favorite things about this morning were that we celebrated communion (in remembrance of Christ Jesus) with the Body of Christ (all believers around the world) and the fact that we knelt … right there on the cement floor. I love it when we kneel in submission to Christ. It is so different for me than just standing or sitting.

So, we made it through the weekend. Andy and I, Kim (20) from Belgium, and Heidi (21) from the Ark. We went to a lodge not far from here. The kids weren’t all that excited to get away until they saw the place. The rooms were very nice … at least the beds were! Bright white, fluffy, crisp comforters. The bathrooms were very nicely tiled … Caution, Slippery When Wet! I have the bruises to prove it. There were some traditional thatched roofs around and bungalows spread thoughout a large, clean, property.

                                             Aunt Caffie's Spunky Girls

The pool was large and FREEZING. We all got in at one point or another but I just couldn’t get in the 2^nd day. All the kids can swim so Andy broke out the change and had a diving contest. The food, well… The place had a firm rule of no outside food. We asked it we could bring peanut butter and jelly sandwiches for the evening meal because they are used to one hot meal in the middle of the day and toast in the evening. I got an emphatic no. We wish we had broken that rule.

                                                         Lunch time.

The first day they served us ‘hot dogs’ for lunch. It was a very dark, thin sausage in a Dodger Dog sized bun, some fries and a juice box. Not our favorite. I asked for lunch about 1, it came about 11:30 so they were starved by 5. We took them to Wimpys for a hamburger, fries, and a Fanta. Fortunately we had a whole section of the restaurant to ourselves. We would have bought chicken but they didn’t have enough.

                                            Uncle Andy's best buddies!

We made such a mess, I tipped the girl $50. That is about $4.50 US. Her face lit up with a sincere “Donkie” which means Thank you. We tried to go on a game drive but lightening and rain brought us back. We went the next day and saw a family of 6 giraffe just eating and watching us back and a herd of Kudu. What a thrill and a huge reminder that this wasn’t Disneyland. We overloaded a jeep and went off roading with kids hanging over the sides, standing up, and being free. I wish our culture weren’t so safety crazy (sue crazy).

                                                 Video on game drive

We gave the kids some money to buy something at the am/pm type gas station store. It took forever for them to decide. We all had snacks for back in the rooms.

The 2^nd day, we were pleasantly surprised by breakfast. Scrambled eggs, a piece of toast, a slice of tomato on some of the plates, and ham and another dark, thin sausage. It was as if they wanted to discourage us from drinking coffee, juice, or eating corn flakes or bran flakes (which my body needed). They would only put out 1 or 2 bowls, a little milk, 1 or 2 cups at a time. It became funny and Andy and I just kept asking. We cleaned them out.

Lunch was Wimpy’s hamburgers, fries, and a coke. Not the best but it filled the tummies. Swimming, The RAIN!!!

The afternoon was spent watching 1) a small TV with cartoons in the small boys’ and Uncle Andy’s room 2) Mission Impossible and that movie about Somalia and the helicopter crash in the big boys’ room (on the oldest TV in the world with actually push buttons for channels) 3) or Gifted Hands (great movie) and some of Sea Biscuit on Andy’s computer in my room with the 6 younger girls.

The troops were getting restless by about 5 so we piled them into the van – yes, all 17 of us in a van they call a comvee. It technically seats 15, so 17 isn’t too bad, right!?

                                   Sunsets are spectacular - EVERY night!

We took them in the mud to a place called Ox Pass. It is the highest point overlooking the area of Keetmanshoop. There are rocks piled up like could be volcanic because they are black. It is where they took me for the hike but this time it was in the 70s and rainy instead of 102. The Namibian’s act like this is snow weather. We are in tee shirts, they are shivering constantly and believe they will get sick from the cold. Oh….I hope not!

We didn’t hike down into the canyon. The big boys treated us to a dance on the rocks; Andy got some footage. A few of the little ones found a rock to relieve themselves and then off we went with the threat that they couldn’t get too muddy or we wouldn’t take them to dinner.

So, remember that we couldn’t bring food to the place where we stayed? We stopped there to see if we could order dinner for when we got back. They have a full menu restaurant. They didn’t have enough food and suggested Wimpy’s hamburgers … that would have made the 3^rd Wimpy’s meal in 24 hours. No thanks!

So we took the kids to 1 of the 2 nice restaurants in the area…The Bird Mansion. What a nice place. We ordered 6 pizzas and milkshakes for everyone. It was really fun. I used the captive audience to talk to the kids about planning for the big party in 2 weeks. We talked about how much we love being able to do this little trip. And I told the kids that, when they graduate with bachelor’s degrees, that we would guarantee a trip to the US for them.

I can just hear the people, “College isn’t for everyone.” No, but, just like it was for me…college is the only viable pathway to choices in life for most of us. And…I know how to help people LEARN to be successful at it. So, I actually do believe a bachelor’s degree is for most people…as a basis.

There were two couples that came in to eat. They were visibly curious about these 2 white people, 1 white girl, and 14 black and colored kids (that is what they call the mixed white and black people here).  I made comments as I walked by about  “so much for your quiet evening,” although the kids were so well behaved! One man asked if it was a charity or something. I hated that word. These kids are not a charity. They are people/individuals we have quickly come to cherish. I should have just told him that. Instead, I discretely told him there is a children’s home in Keetmans and we are helping out for a couple months.

There are orphans in every country. There are people who could take in a couple kids in every country. I feel a bit ashamed that we have done some, but we could have done much more for orphans. I don’t think we will be able to live our lives without a commitment to orphaned children from here on out.

We went back to the lodge and I played LRC with the young girls and let them keep their winnings. Now these girls are a powder keg with each other. They range from 14 – 9 and they can go off at any time with each other. I used the game to talk about how badly it can feel when we lose and how jealous we can feel toward others. Then, the game can turn and we are happy as we start to win. We talked about Paul and how he came to be happy in all circumstances, with much and with little. We talked about the Commandment not to covet and how God gives us that so we can be happy with stability, not comparing our blessings to others. Little seeds I hope.

This morning, the lodge had gotten the message about breakfast and it was all there…glasses, juice, cups, we still had to ask for milk a few times but much better. We tipped the girl as we left. They usually don’t tip here so the next Americans should get pretty good service. As we checked out, I said we were on our way to church. One of the ladies asked us to pray for her since she couldn’t go today.

Off to Logos Church and then home. I will be happy to see the Ark and Rita and Christian!

Are we enough and prayer request?

Do you ever wonder if you are enough?

I am not a therapist. I am a counselor. Therapists have a license from the state to practice. I have the degree but not the license. I never did all the supervised hours to get the license. I am enough?

I have a MS, not a PhD. In my field of education, those with a doctorate are very respected. They have 1) Gained the basic overall knowledge of the bachelor’s degree. 2) Specialized in an area with a master’s degree. 3) Chosen a specific thing to study, studied it, hopefully added to the body of knowledge, and presented that knowledge for those getting bachelor’s and master’s degrees to learn.

I don’t have a PhD, am I enough?

I didn’t read enough in front of my kids as they grew up. I realize now that I often treated them as little adults instead of children who need to respect that authority is important and "because I’m the mom, that’s why" isn’t child abuse. We didn’t pray enough, read enough Scripture together, study for school enough, stick to hard stuff enough, and sacrifice for others enough.

I wasn’t a perfect mother. Am I enough?

Oh ya…I am not thin enough. Enough said on that.

One of the biggest lies that we take in is that we and our efforts are not enough. It is so discouraging. I think about the words discourage and encourage a lot: to take courage away or to give courage. It takes courage to get up each morning and try. It takes courage to keep trying when the results are miniscule or imperceptible, yet we still need to move forward.

As a believer in Christ Jesus, I believe that there is a very big picture on which to focus and not the pursuit of comfort and perfection that has taken over the earth. Eternity is assured and I am enough. Not because of my efforts and certainly not because I strive for perfection. Yuk. I work because my God is a wonderful boss and I WANT to honor and please him. He takes responsibility for the consequences from there.

I think this is what God means by, "lay down your burdens and take up mine." The burden of telling other people that they can have the same joy and freedom and rest that Jesus gives. I don’t do that as much as I could which means I don’t really love enough. However, the God of the Bible tells me, I am enough and I can keep trying. “Morning by morning new mercies I see!”

There is a person here at the Ark. She has literally raised dozens of children. Somehow little messages have gotten to her over the last few years that what she is doing here is not enough. Would you stop and pray with me for a minute, that these lies will be banished from her, right now! That she will be barraged with the grace that comes only from the Lord, wiping out those messages. Let God replace those messages with encouragement: the courage to keep going and keep trying 

and that

SHE IS ENOUGH! 

Does God Care About Individuals?

When I hear about the single woman in the DRC (Democratic Republic of Congo) who lives in a shack with her 9 children, my heart goes very easily to a place I used to live. It was a place where I thought that people must be just like pesky little ants to God. We believe that babies are a blessing and yet, I want to go take that mother to a doctor and stop her from having babies...for her sake and for the sake of those she has. I feel so overwhelmed that I don't want to care. I want to turn away and can easily imagine God wants to as well. That, however, is not what God does. 

As a mom, the most meaningful moments have been when my children choose to be with me, call me, know me. I remember the Valentine's day when the boys brought home 100 Grand candy bars for me. It meant so much that they exist and have the title of mom. 

I imagine our Father in Heaven feels the same way and this principle in borne out in the Scriptures. He wants us to know the real him, not just to know he exists. The miraculous thing is that He also knows us ... knows how many hairs we have on our head, knows our pains and knows our joys. Just as when I know the boys are spending time with me out of obligation and habit, versus by choice, God loves when we come to understand that He values us individually, more than anything, and we choose to be with him, get to know him, come to deeply understand his love for us and, in turn, fall in love with him. 

So this in Geovanni in 2004

when Andy, Cameron, and 21 other people from Mount of Olives came to the Ark 

to work and teach and love on about 50 kids living here. 

This is Geovanni today. He is a healthy, charismatic, and fun person. 

Can we believe that God cares about Geovanni when there are so many orphans and vulnerable children in the world? Is he just a pesky speck on the earth? 

Years ago an expert came to our church and taught about how differently the Greeks (our tradition in the west) and the Hebrews (of Biblical times) think. We greek thinkers think linear-ly while the Hebrew thinkers think more conceptually/holistically. 

There are gobs of people with seemingly unsurmountable problems and lives that seem to make no sense at all. On the other hand, there is a God who made them and loves each of them deeply. Can both possibly be true? A greek thinker (like myself) will often snap to the adamant decision of, 'No, if God was real, cared, and had a plan for people's lives, He would not let horrible circumstances happen like overpopulation and poverty." A hebrew thinker, on the other hand, can accept that both are true, simultaneously.

I am not an expert on the two ancient cultures or stances. This smattering of information has helped me, however. As I read scripture, I have come to be able to accept and know that there are many instances when two things are true at the same time that seem to conflict. When I give my heart time to absorb and pray about things that seem mutually exclusive, God often helps me come to a surprisingly firm place to stand, with each hand full of ideas and yet balanced. (I imagine Lady Justice.)

This is not always the most comfortable place for me to be and it is very difficult to discuss these things with people who have not chosen to know The Living God on His terms, but there are many who have come to that place of trust and conversations with them are ... one of my very favorite things in the world!

Thankfully, God has shown many in our generation that obligatory visits to a church on Sundays and rote prayers over food are not exactly the kind of relationship that warms the heart, just as being with a kid on a family day, not because he wants to be there but because he feels he has to, is a pretty ineffective and unsatisfying way to build a meaningful relationship.

Getting to know God through Scripture is challenging. His message is clear and simple however. We can choose to believe Jesus came to save us and that we can be completely made new and right with him by the simple act of accepting that gift by faith. Getting to know Him, on the other hand, takes a lifetime. We will not be happy with God all the time. We will struggle to understand Him and ourselves as we submit to Him. We will make mistakes, willfully turn away from him, everything that can happen in relationships with people happens in relationships with God.

When I pass from this life to the next, I want to fully recognize God because I got to know Him on his terms when I had the chance. The benefits are unspeakable now. I can't begin to imagine what it will be like to be with him face to face!

And yes, God loves and cherishes Geovanni. I'm so glad he gives us the chance to show that to him.

What do we tell them? How about the truth.

So I hurt Julien’s (pronounced Juleen) feeling yesterday. It turns out that playing Angry Birds or Photo Booth on my IPAD motivates the kids to read and study their math facts like crazy. So, we work on them and they earn time alone with the IPAD. What a headache. I was actually out of breath from doing math facts and managing the IPAD sessions a bit ago… after 3 solid hours. I am retreating to my room for a bit.

So yesterday Julien had earned time on the IPAD and I let someone go in front of her. She shut down on me and sat on the outside swing by herself. She is now the oldest girl at the Ark at 14 and she is in 9^th grade. She hangs out with the younger kids, is a bit of a tomboy, and loves to dress up too. She knows her math times tables better than anyone here; she said she learned them because her teacher hit her if she didn’t. I know that sounds shocking but she assured me it wasn’t hard and she is not glad the teacher made her.

She is dark skinned and reminds me of an African queen.

I tried to reach out to her, apologized, kissed her forehead. I realized she had silent tears streaming down her face and to the dirt. But, I couldn’t reach her.

I kissed her forehead again and told her I am here when she is ready to talk. I went to work with the 4 who were doing math facts with me on the play platform several feet away. Andy came home from running an errand. I told him to see if he could talk to her. Did he ever.

I could overhear him telling her how special she is and that she was made, not only by God; but, in God’s image. They discussed this; I couldn’t hear everything. She said she wants to come to America. He said, “Ok. You can and you can stay with us. First, you need to keep working so hard in school, get a job, and save up. You can stay with us and we will show you all the great fun things to see.” Then he asked if she would get pregnant before she got married. She adamantly said no because that would make these things impossible. He then spoke with her about how important she is and she will be to her husband if she gets married. Precious bits of conversation, teachable moments, meaningful and hopefully powerful for her future.

The program that used to be called, “Choose to Wait” isn’t really about waiting to have sex until after marriage. It is more the idea that God has a plan for our lives NOW and we can either choose to live by his design or suffer consequences…like having a machine that is being misused and will break down. The program is now called “Genesis Design.” I wondered about the name at first. I am often challenged by the Book of Genesis. I still don’t understand why the Tower of Babel was such a big deal to God, why God set up the adversarial relationship between Ismael (the Muslims) and Isaac (the Jews and Christian), why evil even existed in the first place…

On the other hand, the Book of Genesis saved me from the life of confusion and hurt I once lived. It taught me how to forgive as I studied Joseph and how he forgave his brothers for selling him into slavery. He saw that God meant to use such a hurtful thing that his brothers meant for pain for the good of many. He forgave his brothers with the wailing sounds that sometimes are needed to let go of pain. God also showed me my true reason for being on this earth in Genesis. I think I’ll leave that for more personal conversation, but it was revolutionary and counter-intuitive for me and has made all the difference in leading me to the congruent life I always wanted.

Genesis also shows that God uses very flawed people, like me. He calls, he equips, he goes before those who chose to trust him, and goes behind us. We are safe into eternity, starting the second we chose to accept the gift of God’s grace through Jesus. Yes, Jesus was present in Genesis. He just hadn’t become flesh yet. The Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit were all there as evidenced by close study of God’s Word.

So, back to what CHI professes through Genesis Design. We have individual, personal, extraordinary value because we have a Maker, he has a manual that tells us we are made in his image, and we are loved beyond imagination. Our purpose and the purpose of God’s ways are to bring blessing, and we can choose to follow the path to our greatest blessings or choose to experience the consequences.

Now, I can just hear people saying, “So you think God sent HIV/AIDS to punish!?!”

No, but the idea that I grew up with and almost everyone I know believes is that we can treat sex so lightly that it is simply recreational. No big deal between consenting adults. The idea that sex is special enough to be shared only between 1 man and 1 woman within a marriage is so foreign that most of us can not even imagine waiting until after marriage! The fact is, sex outside of the marriage commitment certainly is causing this pandemic of death, destruction, and fatherless children. So…the Lord didn’t cause HIV/AIDS to start and he didn’t create the consequences. If we were living his way, the consequences would not occur to even a small fraction of the millions it is affecting.

So. Does this mean we get married to have a license to have sex? This is the insinuation of many people when our kids get married young. I had more than one person advise me to tell Cameron and Hailey to just get it over with so they wouldn’t get married so young. No. Marriage is not for sex. Marriage is for love. But…Sex is for marriage. It is so special and so sacred. Oh how I wish I had seen it this way when I was very young because I didn’t, and I grieve the losses.

Fortunately, on the spiritual side, we can be made new when we realize that we have missed the target. We are told to go to God Our Father, tell him we realize we missed the mark, and ask Him for a new start. We know this is not only possible but assured because, again, the manual says it is and I believe it.

So that is my short summary of Genesis Design. It is not my thinking but God’s, put into a program by Sylvia Holtzhausen and others who know their stuff. They look at the original manuscripts, carefully study translations, and have opened my eyes to the beauty of our creation.

Thank you, Sylvia! Now, if you are reading this, please pray for others to like Juliene to live by her Creator’s Manual, live life in Him, have a future and a hope worthy of one so loved and cherished.

Pics from Namibia

I feel so stupid. Could it be any easier to upload photos? 

OK. This is my speed. I told them God didn't give me girls since I can't braid hair. They all want me to die it black or brown. If only the knew how much weaves cost in the US. Hate this pic of me but I love it of the girls. 

Hiking? Really? It's only 102 degrees!!!!! 

 'Catie, you ok? You look like a cherry.'

 This is Christian. He is something else! He left his life in Belgium to come take care of orphans in Africa with his dynamic wife, Rita. He strikes that difficult balance of being fun while earning the respect of the kids. My heart melts as I see him reach out his hand in reassurance for a girl who needs just a bit more security and patience than the others. He jokes with the boys like he will hit them with his shoe if they don't go to bed. They giggle and love him. He took us to see some sights today. I loved that we were late to get home from our outing but he saw a little creek and got so excited he stopped for the kids to play a few more minutes. Precious, precious people! 

We are going where? Can we just go back to the Ark and have the girls brush my hair some more???? You can see forever here and it was absolutely silent on the hike. Saw a meercat but that was it for wildlife. The little girls kept picking what looked like pea pods from bushes and munching them up. They told me finally that it makes their 'boom booms' grow. Yes, you know what 'boom booms' are. It was great having Christian show me what they meant with sign language. It is so interesting. People from Belgium speak Flemish. Christian also speaks french. He comes to Africa and can transfer much of his Flemish into Africans (I gather he has a pretty good accent). English isn't a passion for him but he is always learning new phrases. Rita is clearer in Africans, according to some of the kids. Her English is better but sometimes I feel like it is exhausting for her to process in it. They speak Africans to the kids. 

Then you have those who speak Dutch and German. Somehow they can transfer their language over to Africans pretty easily too. 

Between 4 years of french in college and spanish, there are many words that transfer over or have been adapted. The other day, the others didn't know what a building was. I said it was a library without thinking because there was a sign that said 'beebliotek.' Spanish for library is bibliotec. The other day a man was asking for 'beaucoup' of something at the store. The checker didn't understand. I was able to tell her the word. I asked if he was french. He looked at me like I was crazy. 

The world has become very small and we don't even realize how much is melding together. It always surprises me that EVERYONE has a cell phone now, even if they don't have other necessities (or at least it seems that way). It has become a need. Many don't see it that way but I can tell you that students in Santa Ana without cell phones with internet really do miss opportunities and waste lots of time and energy now. Have you tried to find a pay phone lately? 

We are meeting Namibia.

Sorry - I will figure out pics soon. I’ve been taking them on my ipad and phone, and don’t have the cable to connect them to my computer yet. Andy’s phone has internet but he is at the store. Banana walnut pancakes tonight to celebrate Julene and Todop’s bdays!

So, as I look back at our first week in Africa.

The Ark is a wonderful refuge and sometimes I am a bit sad that CHI won’t have these children’s homes any more. However, I think they are going in a powerful and God centered direction with the Care Points. They will be able to serve and enrich the lives of many many more children. The need is so great – there are literally hundreds of thousands of orphaned children in this country. There are 3 young boys 6 young girls under 13 and then then a group of 7 young men in high school left at the Ark. They will not take anyone else except for emergencies, and then only those 12 and older. There are social workers in Namibia that have other options but it seems CHI has been a go-to option for a long time. 

Namibia seems to be in a good place politically. They became an independent nation in 1990. Today is Independence Day. They have their share of challenges. I am focused on learning more about the educational system. I think many of my fellow Americans would like to know where the kids from the Ark and the kids in general will go as adults. As I look at want ads in the papers, they all want very highly educated people for the jobs listed. Interesting. The school system is not good but the government made it free to all in the past couple years. The problem is, the teachers are poorly trained (the official language for education became English in 1990 and most of them were not educated in English). When schooling became free, more students poured in but not more teachers. The schools are overcrowded. Also, the students still have to buy uniforms and books and many can't. It's so complex! 

I am collecting stories of the kids that have already grown up in the Ark and will share them with you soon. Most immediately, Aloysius "Alaska" is a focus for us right now because he is the first one to actually attend the university after grade 12. Others have qualified but life has gotten in the way. This handsome, charismatic, but seemingly young man left the very isolated and quiet and sheltered life at the Ark and is independently navigating the city. He says his biggest challenge is loneliness. He couldn’t wait for us to pick him up yesterday and texted Heidi, a girl who is taking online courses at grew up at the Ark, about 100 times to find out where we were Tues and yesterday. He has no one but the house parents, Rita and Christian, and you can see that this is his family. The relief in Rita's eyes when we committed to help Alaska monthly for the next 3 years of college and to get him a lap top while we are here. Well mom’s out there, you know how she feels. She was holding her breath, waiting for God to provide. The idea that all of us can be part of him answering prayers is like nothing else …

There is a girl who got into the university to study law, Victoria. She just had a baby and will work for a year or so to get on her feet. I hope she comes back to school as I hear she is very smart academically. Please guard yourself from the temptation to judge the system for another fatherless baby. People make choices and this very smart and well informed girl was with a boyfriend when she was supposed to be elsewhere. Another organization is working with her now and our last team from MOO is in contact with her too. The great thing about Victoria is that she has family connections, qualifies for free tuition for the college because of her amazing grades, and has family who is educated like a sibling who in or through college. She sounds like a very astute person in making her life work. I’m sure it is much harder than she thought it would be now that she is a mother.

There are 2 boys in 12^th grade this year, A.T. and Albertus. Both were gone last weekend – one to play in a soccer tournament and one to visit relatives. A.T. wants to go to college. Albertus dreams of opening his own business right after high school. I don’t have more details on them then that at this point.

One boy here, Liode (pronounced Leward), is the only one I see independently working very hard on academics. He has been here a long time. I am told he arrived very traumatized and would isolate. He is hysterically funny at times (for the talent show he did a very serious romantic dance with a huge pink teddy bear named Darling). He seems reluctant to get close to us; how many times can kids get close to short term volunteers who disappear?

A major theme of our trip is that perfection, and expecting perfection from any person or man-made system is just misguided and damaging. The Ark is not perfect. I wish education was stressed more. I wish the kids’ horizons were widened more. On the other hand, they are soooo blessed to be here! CHI isn’t perfect. I wish it was easier to understand all the pieces without coming and meeting everyone myself. I will communicate what we are supporting as a church and community much differently when I get home. But…these people WORK! Every one of them. I feel like a slug compared to every single person I have met with CHI. In fact, I feel like I am in slow motion but I hope that means I’m learning more by observing and helping. MOO is not perfect. We could do so much more and we could be much more focused on eternity (as these people are) than we are. But, people in the beautiful Mission Viejo need God just as much as the people in Africa do and we do meet God and his grace at MOO. I know I did, and do! Andy and I are not perfect but we are his and God says that is enough. Now, because we are so grateful for the freedom and worth we know we have because of Him, we are here, hoping to do more good than harm.