Thanks to the support of many many of you, we had the rummage sale Saturday to benefit the kids at the Ark in Keetmanshoop, Namibia. After weeks of collecting and storing, the rain thankfully stopped late Friday night. We leave Thursday and vacation renters move in Friday so ... we had to make this happen.

Andy, Cameron, Hailey, and broken handed Mason (and Danny Morgan who we can ALWAYS count on) did the heavy lifting of getting everything there, making the signs, sorting it all out on tarps, setting up easy ups. It was a much bigger job than I had anticipated.

In the 20s and 30s, Andy and Cameron spent the night there to watch the loot. Burrrr. By 6am, the trickle of bargain shoppers began and continued pretty consistently until noon when the trailer full of leftovers was packed up and taken to Goodwill a little after noon.

There were times I felt conflicted. We were running a fundraiser for orphans in Africa. Many of the shoppers appeared to be immigrants who I assume have limited resources. Do I haggle with one to help another?

A big question and mystery I have struggled with is the idea that God, if He is in control, seems to have favorites. He blesses some so hugely (as we feel we are) and then others are born into such dismal, painful lives. I know eternity is set, but what about here? I have found no easy or trite answers. I have come through the process of many years of experiences and wrestling matches with God to trust that I don't get it, but He does. It is clear though, that His ways are not our ways. I hope I open my eyes after my earthly death and sit up and yell, "Oh ya! I remember how this all makes sense now." In all seriousness, I trust God with huge questions like that. As I personally study God's Word, not just take in what others say about God and the scriptures, I feel a joyful compulsion to share what God has blessed me with, which blesses me all the more, and hopefully fits into the plan to use all things for good - even all the suffering. I often wonder if I will be able to be so joyful when I am the one suffering.

Do you ever feel like you just can't do enough...things can't get fixed, so why try? It is the same issue as above. At one time, deep down, I had the sense that I was useless if I couldn't perform and conquer. So, if I am worthless without achievement, I'd better not work on projects I can't conquer, right? That's dangerous; I might fail and that would mean I'd be nothing. Then there is the very deep down belief that I SHOULD be able to change things. I need to care so much and work so hard that things get better. Essentially, I thought I was CEO of the universe. The pride. The responsibility. The inevitable exhaustion and failure.

God showed me at a retreat called Cursillo that my worth is not at all attached to my efforts and success and He showed me that the lie I had internalized somewhere down the line, that I SHOULD be able to fix things was a lie. My job was to do what I am equipped to do, to live as an imperfect but deliberate and cherished creation, and to TRUST the real CEO of the universe. I was set free to care without guilt and to work without exhastion, to love without the fear of the pain of loss.

We made just short of $1000 today. That money will be used directly for the kids at the Ark. We will keep careful track of where that money is spent on educational materials, tutoring, books... We will see. Thank you. It turns out that YOU are the stable ship that is allowing Andy and I to take risks, go off into uncharted territory, and to live free. We thank God for YOU!